‘…do I posse my belongings or do they posse me?” mag19
…I sat and watched the sun rise this morning…honouring the sun…maybe even worshipping the sun…although my ego doesn’t like that word…I then started to think the sun doesn’t care that I am honouring it…it’s the sun…the sun does exactly what the sun is supposed to do…it does this perfectly…rises in the morning in the east and sets in the evening in the west…it does this everyday…on time…it is never late…
I noticed that the birds were singing as they do every morning…the grass was being grass and the bugs were being bugs…all things around me were working together perfectly…with ease…the only thing that wouldn’t work perfectly in this environment are humans…the rest of nature is in perfect harmony…I wonder if nature is waiting for us…why doesn’t nature use ego to set human’s straight…where is nature’s ego…nature doesn’t get pissed off or even slack off…in fact we humans even blame mother nature for our own obnoxious abuse of our environment…typical self centered egotistical humans… I think that a lot of human unhappiness will cease once we humans figure out our role in nature…suffering will cease and our perfection will become apparent to our current blindness…humans can learn a lot from nature…what is the difference between human and nature…I think I know the answer and it lies somewhere among the ego…
…these monks are on to something…all this talk sort of reminds me of the movie the matrix…we are all one energy…a giant database…I knew that before I came here…the course in miracles talks about this…the all inclusiveness of the idea represented in the matrix though…hmmm…could it be…I must get the book simulacra & simulation…one of the monks commented on the matrix movie today…he said that it was close…he said that they…the writers…were quite lucky…lucky? I must re-watch the matrix series…
…another interesting talk today…real vs unreal…Dhamma = Nature…cause and effect…choice doesn’t exist…ok this is getting weird and interesting…I can’t believe that I’m learning this from a monk…it’s the weirdest thing to hear a monk talk about chaos theory or constructs of my imagination…let alone the movie the matrix…
so this is what I have learned…my mind makes images based on information from past experiences…things like past memories and past feelings distort this information…thus the images become corrupt…but the mind doesn’t look at the images this way…as corrupt…of course not as the mind is governed by the self/ego…
the mind then turns the image into a sign or a label…a ‘construct’…a ‘governance’…a ‘rule’…this I understand and know to be true…the course says the same thing…what I didn’t realise is that in actuality at this current moment…my current reality…I am still seeing the construct…fuck…
…for example…the label ‘Tree’…since I have memories of ‘Tree’ from past experiences and since that my mind is not settled I begin to create an image of ‘Tree’ even before I physically see ‘Tree’…my construct of ‘Tree’ maybe so powerful that even though ‘Tree’ is in front of me I don’t see it…it’s easier for the mind to show me the image ‘Tree’ than focus on the physical ‘Tree’ that is in front of me…or at best I am seeing the distorted bastardised version of image ‘Tree’ and physical ‘Tree’…the difference maybe slight…nostra damus said that the difference between the real and the unreal is as thin as a veil…
all right so I get this…the ego corrupts my vision…I see a distorted image of ‘Tree’…but ‘Tree’ is still there…isn’t it…it is…it’s right in front of me…I can touch it and I can on climb it…
the monks disagree…did u know that there is no definition of mind in nature…science defines the mind as a set of processes and signs…flashes of light…pulses of electricity…I need to look into this more…no definition for mind…i have a feeling they’re right…the monks believe that humanity is an on going process of nature…with no defined separation between body and nature…I believe this to be true…I think I mentioned this earlier and this is what the course has taught me as well…
and now my jaw drops…my mind’s conscious is not my reality…for some reason I get this sentence in my head…of course it’s because my mind uses corrupt information to determine it’s reality….a reality that is being created and re-created moment by moment…this is making sense…conscious leads to a corrupt conscious of self…self conscious = ego…the self wouldn’t normally be a problem if it didn’t bring selfishness along with it…
hmmm…one more time…ego uses corrupt information to create my data base of labels…my constructs…like a giant NASA telescope looking at a planet a million miles away…the telescope doesn’t actually see the planet…it sees elements or constructs of the planet and then uses a vast database to interpret what it sees…Oh My God…this is freaking me out…not the actual information…I totally get this…like I believe this…I’m not sure I understand it 100%… I feel it to be true…my database is corrupt…my mind creates illusions…then self/ego ignites those illusions…ranks them…makes them good or bad…nature doesn’t do this…nature doesn’t have any definitions for better or worse…good or bad…beauty or ugly…no of course not…in nature reality is just reality…a sun rise is just the sun rising…nature as already explained has no self or ego to provide corruption to its data base…
alright I’m exhausted…time for a break…can we stop the ride for a bit…my current reality…distorted or not wants to take a break…hello…mr. Monk I need a break from this current reality…so I will now take a nap in your class…that is my current reality…I fall asleep.
rest in peace
mag19
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
hmm - reality, what is real and what is it that we choose to see .... reading through your process of absorbing this way of seeing things in a new light
i'm far from understanding, yet when you mention the monk reference the movie the matrix, i can't help but feel like i do understand somewhat the path/object that is in front of me
i sit here and know i fight ego a lot, i think mostly because it is out of insecurities of not accomplishing everything i have on my list of life goals ... wanting to rush to see the reality of living a live where i no longer make choices based on cost, or the ability to not worry about wanting to provide for my family, to reach a point of being able to work on any modern design project of my choice, to give back more than what i can now,
is it really ego that says i want to be a really good designer and bring good solutions to my clients while being innovative
i used to question what am i, do i just make things pretty, based on consumption, i used to doubt what i was doing as being important ...
yet, art, music, photography, design, architecture ... where as some think we only pick colours ... i see what i do bring to those i work with a smile, feeling good to come home, a feeling of calm, a feeling at order, peace or create sense of order in all that busy chaotic ramblings outside the front door
- i remember us talking about our paths of discovery, our coming to understand and take full responsibility for all that has happened
- for some who are shocked about my ability to say that it was my fault, my blindness to let what happen to me being my responsibility, I am the reason for my pain ... it is easier to say that those who have hurt us are at fault than for most to take recognize that they are in control of how they respond
i think fault isn't quite the right word ... taking responsibility for my ego
hmm - i feel grateful to look at beautiful things ... like what might be an expensive piece of furniture ... where i remember when we would go to show rooms and marcel would comment, this is way over priced and easy to make, comment on he didn't understand what us designers really do
while there are many things that are over priced and things that are under valued
it is the process behind how that one item got there, that object ... that person
i love how through my own perception of myself, the people around me the objects in front of me i choose that reality of how i want to view all of these things
i choose to see value in everything including what may be thought to be an nothing ... does that mean that whatever it is had value ... maybe not to others - doesn't really matter in the end, what others think or how they view things, i choose the reality i want to live
ramblings ... ramblings, your blog turned into a diary of thoughts for me
some of this might never make sense or need to, but i think you for helping me purge and learn through you ...
i feel like i'm ur student ... still got a lot of learning to do...thank you mag
sleep well ...
Post a Comment