[all that you have read so far is an exact reproduction of my journal…I took the simple notes that I have learned to make over this past year in my little black book…some you may know what I am talking about…I added additional info only where the short hand would make no sense to most of you…I would be happy to show anyone my original notes if they wanted to read them…
I just reread day 10…I hated it…it doesn’t flow…it doesn’t read like I want it to…I want to edit it…and I almost did…however this is what I was thinking it on Day 10…and it’s possible that ‘Mind’ had a few other things to think about that day…so enjoy it for what it is…nothing at all.
Rest in peace
Mag19]
…I don’t remember when I started with morning and evening appreciations or what I call prayers…it must have been a while ago as it is effortlessly apart of my life now…as is appreciating my main meal of the day…however I find myself blessing all the food I eat now even if it is just a quick blessing…bending the ego and bowing to nature…randy who I just started talking to a day ago…he too has a similar appreciation to life…randy is one of the most gracious people I have ever met and if I can learn to appreciate life half as much as he did those 10 days I will be a bless man…thank you randy…
a monk once said that if you were to say only one prayer in your entire life…that you should say ‘Thank You’…and just saying that once will earn you an immense amount of love…a lifetime of love…
re-reading some of my entries makes me wonder what others will think when they read my blog…I will not censor anything…I suspect some will be confused…this is normal I believe…I’m as confused as you are and I had the experience…this is really nutty…of course in actuality if others are confused it is only because I want them to be that way…this is the new reality…I decide everything in my reality…everything is up to me…as long as i use the new vision to make decisions all will be OK…and if not…well then I always have cause and effect to fall back on to…and at least now I know the difference…however…the ego is best suited for the mail room…that’s where I choose it to hangout…stay ego…stay…
today was another slow day…I can feel my brain re-wiring itself…it takes a moment longer than usual to focus in on things…I am re-learning how to see and I guess the brain is re-programming it’s self…I wonder then…if in the new reality things just are…sun is just sun…so does my brain re-create a new image each time it see’s sun or is the new information real enough and without a chance for the ego’s corruption that the image or new label ‘sun’ is true enough to be used…or maybe since we are all the same no new information is ever needed…I just see what is and that amount of information is easily processed once the mind knows how to process it…
last night I re-discovered the construct of Highway…it was bizarre…Truck…Car…Speed…Bus…Danger…
crossing an 8 lane highway in a sarong at night…the construct of ‘death’ was on the mind…so I started to think about it this morning…most often given a ‘bad’ definition…death has a bad ‘rap’ one can say…’suicide’ even worse…’death’ maybe the largest construct of the old reality…the main control mechanism…I don’t have a lot of information on death…having never really experienced it myself…near death experiences by all accounts that I have heard or read are wonderful experiences…warmth…love…bright white light…recalibration of life…seeing god…all of these experiences whether in the new reality or the old one sound wonderful…not the typical definition of death…so what is ‘death’…
are there gate keepers as the movie the matrix suggests…bodies of energy that govern…is death the main construct of control…death and hell…better be a good energy ball or you will die and go to hell…
perhaps death is ones own realization of non-existence…believing that we are all one…death of the ego/self…no distinction between you and me…it’s really quite beautiful…the monks spoke often about the energy of the world…that like science’s definition…the amount of energy on earth never changes…could this be true…is my realization the next time around going to be of a bush on the side of the highway in Cambodia…will this be my reality…how could one go about to test this hypothesis…is the greatest test of ridding one of his ego/self to through one’s self in the path of an oncoming truck…how strong would the belief have to be to not see the truck…or perhaps it doesn’t need to be that strong…maybe that is all apart of the ego’s trickery…this game called life was designed by some very smart energy…the rules are extremely intelligent...as we can see by the state of the world we live in…and by intelligent I mean controlling…
so what will it be…test the hypothesis death or live blind…
does it matter if one looks at this construct death in the new reality or the old reality…the governance behind the definition is still amazingly strong…and still it might set us free…whatever ‘free’ means in the new reality…I have often said that I am not afraid of death…however if that were really true then testing the hypothesis would be as easy as to step in front of ‘truck’ and experience one of life’s great constructs…how much learning could I learn from death…or not believing in it’s construct…is this the ultimate awareness…an angel smiles as my eyes meet for the first time I see an angel…then the ultimate ‘choice’ do I decide to go back and re learn another lesson or move on to nirvana like jesus and Buddha and teach love to the wolrd…well I can’t say…I have no idea…I really have no idea as everything in that sentence above including Heaven, Angels, Eyes, Nirvana etc are all constructs of an ego mind…
and that is where I will choose to leave it…I enjoy the ego…little of it here and there is not so bad…and ‘I’ the construct ‘Mark’ is fully aware of the energy it gives to the ego…I will also choose to bow to nature as I practice with this new vision for awhile…so while I welcome the construct ‘death’ at some really far off date in ‘Time’…really far off like not even in my reality far off…I am ok with fearing death for a time being…and that’s all I can say about that…
and thus the feeling of happiness and bliss…no hallucinogens were used in this awareness…on afternoon of day 9 I smoked a joint…this was an extremely special experiences that I hope all my friends will see one day…I now have a 2nd vision that projects only the images that I create…if someone is angry at me in the new reality then I wrote that experience into my game…if I have a loving girlfriend then I choose that too…the experiences of the new reality are solely of my creation…it’s an art project really…
and so that is what I learned at my ten day retreat in the Suan Moke Forest Monastery…wow these bananas taste so good…it’s amazing how the reduction of stimulus for just 10 days is enough for the ego to forget a particular stimuli…it’s also enough time to have such a great break through…
the cat riddle…well there is no cat…that’s a construct of the mind…the idea of nurturing too is a construct of the mind…as is the woman…as am I…we don’t exist except in the construct of our minds…your answers maybe different however they won’t be wrong…
Let me not forget my function…not wonder into temptation…my function is to be the light of the world...forgive and be happy…this is my world…it is my function to save…
Monks lead a very simple life…this includes how they label things…just about everything is labelled and with the simplest of English language like Temple Hall 5…Ivan my friend from Vienna called it the #5…those of us living in vancouver will understand the irony in this modified label…the #5 is a stripe club in vancouver.
New vision::
Old vision post 2003 was sight with out judgement…in the new reality sight is also without judgement including the self…the preconceived image of ‘mark’…that’s the big difference…there’s basically less ego in the vision…while on the topic of ego…my the craving for stimulation…a factor of ego addressing/controlling the mind…grew from two areas…on day 6 during the chanting I really paid attention to the word translation…I didn’t like what I was reading…they were not what I call precious words … suffering … death … defilement…I don’ think that these are words I should be chanting in any reality…the second thing was the negative tone of the monks…by day 7 it really got to me…by the time I realised how to work within the constructs of their system it was day 10…next time I will be better prepared…
I also learned how easily it is to lose sight of my ego/self…my course in miracles lesson today deals with exactly this idea and thus is perfect…don’t forget my function as the light of the world…the ego will always step in when it’s let to govern the constructs of the old reality…sometimes this reality works…when it doesn’t work then there’s a new vision…it’s like having two lens for the camera of life…
I nearly missed lunch today and afternoon tea…ivan and I were chatting and I was helping him with a very similar experience that I had a few years ago…it was very beneficial for both of us…we didn’t hear the bell that signalled lunch…I didn’t actually hear the bell all day…I guess it wasn’t apart of my reality until later that night…I can feel the mind re-learning…creating new electrical pathways for the new vision…I feel very calm…I notice things moving a bit slower when I experience a new sensation…my senses feel heightened…
:: in reality there is no ‘i’
but in absence mind, ‘i’ pops up like a ghost
with mindfulness, ‘i’ has gone
no more ‘i’ is such a good time
:: Friends
try best to leave ‘u’ and ‘i’
just keep only wisdom and mercy
high responsibility for one’s duties is enough
Buddhadasa Bhikku
rest in peace
mag19
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment